I have a surprise for my husband.

by PWSux on July 11, 2011

Shhhhhhh, you can’t tell him.

I’m scared to even tell you!  Because then I’m afraid you’ll tell him.

Which would totally ruin the surprise that he doesn’t know about.

That would be a buzzkill.

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzkill.

I know.  I can’t believe I said buzzkill either.  I’m violently stuck in the 80’s.  Tonight I’ll be singing REO Speedwagon songs and practicing my air guitar.

Kleenexes will be needed.

But back to my surprise.

I went out and found some roadkill then came home and put it in the crockpot.  I dumped a whole can of Dr. Pepper over it and added like half a can of chipotle pepper, diced finely, with some juice.  If your skirt doesn’t fly up over so-hot-your-tongue-blisters crockpotted roadkill, then skip the juice.

It’s all good man.  Whatever you decide.

After the lovely dinner I’m preparing and the dessert which is super simple – twinkies, nuke for 20 minutes, cover with a basil/cream sauce, HEAVEN! – I’m going to hand him this………..

……….. and just SEE if he can guess who our special guests will be!

Can you guess?

Shhhhhh!  Don’t say it outloud!

That’s right!

Because I’m a pretty big deal, I was able to contact a local high school from the big city over an hour away from where I live and, by using my friend who just happens to be the wife of a Senator and then along with prayers from my other friend who’s as close to God as they come, we were able to convince the principal to call all the kids back from summer vacay, pile into vans that hopefully won’t run over any of my dogs or cows or bulls or kids or horses, and put on a performance for me right as I say, “Oh honey, look at that pretty butterfly outside – let’s go inspect it.”

He’ll never suspect a THING!

And when we go outside what will he see?

YOU GUESSED IT!

But shhhhhhhhhhhh.

I know!

He’s going to be SO SURPRISED!

Just a little somethin’ somethin’ for the man I sleep with every night.

Ooooooooo, there goes that hiney tingling again!

Whew.  Hot flash!

Help me Rhonda!

No really.  Can someone help me?

I need to have enough food to feed the entire band of 75.  WAIT!  I’ve got that roadkill in the crockpot and if I just add a loaf of bread then it’ll be just like that Jesus story where, in a miracle, there was miraculously enough food to feed the masses from just ONE FISH!

It’ll be so cool.  And God-like, which all the budget people just love.

It’ll work out just fine. 🙂

Love ya!

Amen

 

 

 

 

 

{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

REeBELLe July 15, 2011 at 11:03 am

Someone please parody the fact that she used to try and claim to be a Southern Belle because her grandmother was. Think of the bourbon, the “Gone with the Wind” dresses, the my ranch is Tara, the Ass Chaps as Rhett comparisons!

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Ree Covered July 16, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Okay, I’m supposed to be writing a paper on narcissists, sociopaths, and how we can change the system and yet, I’ve spent pretty much the last 24 hours scouring the internet for dirt on Ann Marie. Procrastination much? Yeah, whatever. I convince myself I’m trying to get a diagnosis on her. She’s tricky.

{This comment has been edited by PWSux.}

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Paula S. July 16, 2011 at 5:38 pm

I’m sorry, I’ve read this over twice and it doesn’t seem like satire. It seems vulgar and mean, and makes extremely serious accusations without offering the proof. I don’t like PW’s blog or her well documented dishonesty, but I cringe at the idea of putting something this ugly about her children on the internet. They are normal, average looking children, and even if they were ugly, it wouldn’t be their fault. These are children. They are old enough to read. And old enough to google.

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Mee Mee July 16, 2011 at 6:44 pm

I couldn’t have said it better myself. This is not satire – it is just plain mean. This is one of the worst pieces of writing I have ever seen (and I used to read PW).

Whatever problem I have with PW and the Reechine I have NOTHING against her children. They never asked for this and they are absolutely BEAUTIFUL children.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

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Suze July 16, 2011 at 5:50 pm

WoW! That is harsh and unnecessary.

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EJS July 16, 2011 at 6:45 pm

This is a terrible form of writing – it’s not just satire it’s JUVENALIAN SATIRE which is suppose to provoke a darker kind of laughter. It is often bitter and criticizes corruption or incompetence with scorn and outrage. This form is often pessimistic and in your comment it shows as such. What a shame to comment with harsh ridicule!!

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Cat, Chaps and Emma July 16, 2011 at 7:08 pm

This is just a crazy that seeped in. Links to a Caylee Anthony site. Just a wacko. PWS will probably delete it when she gets around to it.

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Kristina July 16, 2011 at 7:25 pm

I hope PWS deletes it; this is the sort of ugly/chatty/libelous that PWS is not. I’m not in favor of censorship, but this almost could be a Sheeples/Reebot plant–troll the blog and then give real fodder to Reebot complaints.

I want to take a shower after reading it; eeeeeeewwwww!

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Cat, Chaps and Emma July 16, 2011 at 7:28 pm

As PWS, BB – I will go ahead and send it to her for review.

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Paula S. July 16, 2011 at 7:30 pm

I agree with all you said. It just made me feel awful. And making sleezy, unproven accusations about what anyone’s husband is supposedly up to in a public venue is beyond tasteless.

There is plenty to legitimately criticize, with documentation, without spewing pure trash as if it were fact.

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Cat, Chaps and Emma July 16, 2011 at 7:37 pm

I just zoomed the e-mail off. This type of thing is going to happen from time to time. This is beyond a reebot, this is a wacko.

Ree Covered July 16, 2011 at 7:49 pm

Wait, isn’t that the Wicked Witch’s Marching Band of Monkeys?

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Cat, Chaps and Emma July 16, 2011 at 7:52 pm

Well, I guess we will see, won’t we?

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Cat, Chaps and Emma July 16, 2011 at 7:56 pm

Ree Covered, feel free to send me an e-mail and we can discuss your comment. As you can tell from all of my comments I link to my website. I have no problem giving out my e-mail:
cat@bassethoundtown.com

If you think I am a monkey, tell me more! I am ready for a debate.

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Cat, Chaps and Emma July 16, 2011 at 9:50 pm

PWS – deleted that crass comment. I know she hates to delete comments but the one from Ree Covered needed to go. It was hideous.

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EJS July 16, 2011 at 10:56 pm

Shit happens BB…you done good!! 🙂

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Cat, Chaps and Emma July 16, 2011 at 11:15 pm

Thanks…EJS

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Paula S. July 16, 2011 at 11:37 pm

Isn’t it amazing that one of the few comments ever deleted here was because it said things that were just too nasty about PW and her family. Are you paying attention, reebots? We aren’t even allowed to comment over there in your happy land when we are polite.

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Ree Covered July 17, 2011 at 7:17 am

I apologize profusely for the above post. I’m very, very angry about something else, and I took it out on “Little Miss Perfect.” I am so sorry. 🙁 See, a baby killer walked free last night. That sort of thing tends to piss me off. Again, I apologize.

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Cat, Chaps and Emma July 17, 2011 at 9:15 am

RC – Apology accepted.

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Fred July 29, 2011 at 1:49 pm

I just don’t get it….this website makes no sense at all……and the gal in the pics….needs a shower for that greasy hair…….

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PWSux July 29, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Did you read the “About” page to see what it’s about? Did you read the “First Time?” page?

Reading those would help and then if you still don’t get it, you clearly don’t belong here! LOL 🙂

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Paula S. July 29, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Fred, you can’t expect to jump in way past the middle and expect to know what is going on. I’ll admit we have a lot of inside jokes and shared history. Go to the First Time tab and read all the links on there. I believe you’ll get it.

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