Shhhhhhh, you can’t tell him.
I’m scared to even tell you! Because then I’m afraid you’ll tell him.
Which would totally ruin the surprise that he doesn’t know about.
That would be a buzzkill.
I know. I can’t believe I said buzzkill either. I’m violently stuck in the 80′s. Tonight I’ll be singing REO Speedwagon songs and practicing my air guitar.
Kleenexes will be needed.
But back to my surprise.
I went out and found some roadkill then came home and put it in the crockpot. I dumped a whole can of Dr. Pepper over it and added like half a can of chipotle pepper, diced finely, with some juice. If your skirt doesn’t fly up over so-hot-your-tongue-blisters crockpotted roadkill, then skip the juice.
It’s all good man. Whatever you decide.
After the lovely dinner I’m preparing and the dessert which is super simple – twinkies, nuke for 20 minutes, cover with a basil/cream sauce, HEAVEN! – I’m going to hand him this………..
……….. and just SEE if he can guess who our special guests will be!
Can you guess?
Shhhhhh! Don’t say it outloud!
Because I’m a pretty big deal, I was able to contact a local high school from the big city over an hour away from where I live and, by using my friend who just happens to be the wife of a Senator and then along with prayers from my other friend who’s as close to God as they come, we were able to convince the principal to call all the kids back from summer vacay, pile into vans that hopefully won’t run over any of my dogs or cows or bulls or kids or horses, and put on a performance for me right as I say, “Oh honey, look at that pretty butterfly outside – let’s go inspect it.”
He’ll never suspect a THING!
And when we go outside what will he see?
YOU GUESSED IT!
He’s going to be SO SURPRISED!
Just a little somethin’ somethin’ for the man I sleep with every night.
Ooooooooo, there goes that hiney tingling again!
Whew. Hot flash!
Help me Rhonda!
No really. Can someone help me?
I need to have enough food to feed the entire band of 75. WAIT! I’ve got that roadkill in the crockpot and if I just add a loaf of bread then it’ll be just like that Jesus story where, in a miracle, there was miraculously enough food to feed the masses from just ONE FISH!
It’ll be so cool. And God-like, which all the budget people just love.
It’ll work out just fine.