A friend needs our help

by PWSux on May 19, 2011

Hey everyone!

It’s me!

PWSux!

tap, tap, tap, ……. Is thing on?

Listen, I need your attention for a minute because we’ve got a problem.  Well I don’t have a problem, I’m perfect, but one of our own does.

I know.  Shocking!

And I want us all to join together as one to help our dear friend.

While we’re doing this, I’d like to mention that I’m wearing mint green men’s overalls.  This fact has nothing to do with our little mission here today but I thought it was important to mention.

Please feel feel to post what you’re wearing!  Go ahead, join in!

I’m sure without a shadow of a doubt that not a one of you look as fabulous as I do in my mint green men’s overalls (which has nothing to do with this mission) but I know that whenever I ask you to join in or “post your own” or anything like that, it makes you feel like I’m paying attention to you.  Like I value your opinion.

Which I don’t.  But I know that it makes you feel like it does and that’s what’s important.

I’m all about helping you feel good.

Not like those websites with teenage Russian girls that are naked RIGHT NOW! and have been waiting for you to call them but just in a general overall feel good kind of way.

Not that there’s anything wrong with talking with those little Russian teenage girls!  I’m not here to judge you for your decisions and the-pearly-gates-of-heaven as my witness, I’m not creating no controversies or anything like that because those poor little naked Russian teenage girls need attention just like the rest of us and they deserve to make their own decisions so if spending time waiting for you on the internet gets their rocks off, well then they surely have the right to do that and you absolutely have the right to talk with them and feel good in your own little special way!

I’m all about everyone feeling good!

I’m also all about mentioning heaven or God or sometimes church and definitely the big beautiful Catholic churches full of gold treasures that causes me to burst into tears when I enter.  I’m definitely about those!

Amen.

OK, I just wanted to mention all that and get it off my chest.

Speaking of my chest….. I was watching my husband do man stuff yesterday and I SOOOO wanted to lactate!  The urge was STRONG in me!

Help me Rhonda!

Where was I?

Oh yeah, my mint green overalls (which have nothing to do with this mission).

So I’m sitting here in my mint green overalls and I see a comment from one of my beloved friends that says this about The New Yorker article:

1) Absolutely no mention of her brother Mike, who has been featured so prominently on her blog. Her mother is mentioned, and even quoted, but not Mike or any of the siblings.

2) All the kids (except the six year old) DRIVE? Is that even legal? I know it’s on their property, but still….

3) The author of the article called PW’s homeschooling (that the author witnessed) “desultory”. The author really hammered home that the six year old cannot pronounce the letter “R”, and that one of the daughters spent the homeschooling time complaining about a science project she had to do. Wonder if that was the project PW deigned to feature on her homeschooling section. The kids begged to ‘do school’ after being outside working cattle in the chilly morning. Yeah, I’d rather work on my science project than herd giant cows through pens, too. Poor kids.

4) The idiot blog was started the day Ladd took all the kids out to work cattle with him…including the ONE YEAR OLD, who rode on his saddle with him. What moron has a baby on a horse with him?

5) The over-Photoshopping was mentioned; the writer even calls the blue color Ree gives her kids’ eyes ‘artificial’. Then quotes Ree as claiming that “early on” she used Photoshop “too much.”

I know.

You’re wondering who in the world could have left something like this and just WHAT were they smoking so you could have some too!  You could get together with Ree and all be pot-smoking hippies-from-the-80’s!

I crack myself up sometimes.

So, as I was saying, I’m sitting here in my mint green overalls and I see this comment come through and realize that poor Karen has obviously taken a bump to the head or something, maybe she’s stoned off her rocker, maybe she’s drunk again, who knows.  But since I’m all about helping people understand and learn and be more like me, I figured I could help her.

And you can too!

Here’s the plan…….. and just so you know, I’m all about helping charities too so for every person who helps Karen along and for every time that Karen THANKS that person in my comments here I’m going to have my uber-rich uncle donate a tenth of 1% of a penny to the charity of my choice!

And not just a charity to Saks like I tried to do that one time, but a real honest to goodness charity that does good in the community like helps people who can’t afford to shop at Saks so maybe one day they CAN!

How cool is that!

I KNOW!

So what I’m going to do is copy her comment again and then sort of like photoshop it to make it better by showing her where she was just acting kind of drunk and stuff.  Like this….

1) Absolutely no mention of her brother Mike, who has been featured so prominently on her blog. Her mother is mentioned, and even quoted, but not Mike or any of the siblings.

Oh Karen you poor ignorant fool.  Don’t you know that Mike was only featured when she could call him “retarded” to prove how awesomely normal and just-like-everyone-else she is?  She needed him to gain the sympathy of her readers and get her one step closer to sainthood!  Or at least a TV show.  Besides, he isn’t even “retarded” anymore!  He’s “developmentally disabled” now and that just doesn’t make as good of copy.

Then there’s Betsey.  Betsey Wetsey.  Ree took topless pictures of her in an “artful” manner while the kids were in the other room and then put them on the internet.  Do I need to say more?

Let’s not forget the older brother that’s in the God-awful wrestling picture she posts all the time and has left a string of unhappy ex-wives as well as participated in, let’s just say, “questionable” behavior with girls who meant yes and said no (according to about a dozen emails I’ve received).

And don’t think for a minute that Stepmonster Patsy’s going to talk with The New Yorker!  She might have to explain why her own kids can’t stand being in the same room with Ree and that would just be all kinds of bad.

No, Gee was a good choice there.  The only choice, really.

2) All the kids (except the six year old) DRIVE? Is that even legal? I know it’s on their property, but still….

Silly, beautiful, drunk or stoned Karen, of COURSE it’s not legal! How many pre-teens do you see driving down the road honey?  DUH!  You’ve been around for a while now Karen, surely you’ve realized that the laws don’t apply to the Drummonds.  Hellooooo?  Earth to Karen.  They are “up here” and everyone else is “down there” and only those “down there” who can’t afford to buy off police or lunch with Senators or be the largest landowner in the State get tickets.

3) The author of the article called PW’s homeschooling (that the author witnessed) “desultory”. {emphasis PWSux} The author really hammered home that the six year old cannot pronounce the letter “R”, and that one of the daughters spent the homeschooling time complaining about a science project she had to do. Wonder if that was the project PW deigned to feature on her homeschooling section. The kids begged to ‘do school’ after being outside working cattle in the chilly morning. Yeah, I’d rather work on my science project than herd giant cows through pens, too. Poor kids.

Sweetie, everybody knows that Ree Drummond is NOT Type A!  You KNOW that!  She’s a Type we’ll-do-what-I-want-when-I-want-and-when-I’m-home-on-this-God-forsaken-fucking-ranch-and-not-on-a-tour-staying-in-fancy-hotels.  Which means that whenever Ree FEELS like “doing school” they do and when she doesn’t, well they don’t!  It’s very simple!

Of course the fact that she’s now convinced Missy to take her kids out of school and start that little Drummond School on the Prairie means that she had to hire a couple of teachers to actually “DO school” but she couldn’t let that reporter know that because, DUH, that’s not really homeschooling now is it?  And then all them homeschooling fans of hers might realize that she’d told just a tiny untruth or fib or maybe just stretched the truth a tad or just sort of portrayed herself as something she’s not and then OH. MY. GOD! her PR team told her that could cause a possible .05% loss of readers and she can’t have THAT!

Besides, ALL kids would choose to “do school” after years of getting up at 3:45 am and doing hard labor – just ask those ancient factory workers!  But if all kids got whatever they wanted or got treated like other normal kids, the world would be full of happy children, Pokemon shit, and McDonald’s Happy Meals.

Oh.

Well just ignore that part.

4) The idiot blog was started the day Ladd took all the kids out to work cattle with him…including the ONE YEAR OLD, who rode on his saddle with him. What moron has a baby on a horse with him?

Really?  You dare to call fourth-generation rancher who puts a one year old baby in the saddle with him while in a herd of unpredictable cattle a moron?  Oh come on Karen!  Never in the history of the world has there been a cowboy, let alone a youngster, get hurt while in the saddle working cattle so it’s perfectly natural to put babies up there with them!  DUH!  Pregnant women and post-surgical patients also get into the swing of things too and make EXCELLENT candidates for cattle working.

Open your mind Karen.

Fer real.

Ask any good rancher and I’ll bet he tells you that not only did his mother birth him right there in that back pasture in the middle of a cattle herd, but he took all 17 of his kids out working cattle the day after they were born and they all turned out jess’ fine.  It’s like a right of passage.

Except for the four that got stomped by bulls.  But they were silly kids who went out to the front yard to play which as everybody knows, is dangerous because the front yard by the swingset is where the bulls are!  So, you know, they were asking for it!

5) The over-Photoshopping was mentioned; the writer even calls the blue color Ree gives her kids’ eyes ‘artificial’. Then quotes Ree as claiming that “early on” she used Photoshop “too much.”

Karen, I swear it’s like you’re new here or something!  Everybody knows that those kids aren’t quite “perfect” enough to be on her blog so she has to “tweek” their pictures just slightly in order to make them look “right”.  Besides, that was in the early days and now all those pictures look absolutely natural, just look at the series she posted the other day where her son has totally NORMAL eyes.

Whew!  That was a LOT of help I just gave Karen, don’t you think?  I really hope I cleared some things up for her while I was sitting here in my mint green overalls!  I hope she’s grateful to me like I deserve.

Now it’s your turn!

I haven’t forgotten to ask you to comment so that you’ll feel important!  My very own publicist, secretary, assistant, housekeeper, cleaning crew, teachers, lawyer, and PR team all reminded me to do that while they were picking my toes for me this morning and ironing my mint green overalls (which has nothing to do with this mission).

I love when others do my work for me.

I love watching others do work.

Most of all, I love not doing work.

It’s ethereal.

It brings tears to my eyes and I’ve never been able to explain it.

So I just let them flow.

Amen.

And don’t forget the charity giveaway!!  I’m totally prepared to tap my rich uncle for AT LEAST $10.00.  So come one you guys, MAKE A DIFFERENCE for those in need!

Over and out,

~PWSux


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